February 4th, 2010
Most of us want to get to a desirable solution rather than working towards it. This happens in parenting too. Much as we negate it, it is natural that we expect certain things from our children. Unknowingly we have certain concepts and expect a behavior or attitude from our child. It is the need of the hour to accept that a child may be a product of our genetic make up and yet influenced by some many external habits that make him or her ‘personality’.
Personality of a person enhances with each interaction, contemplation and opportunity. Just as we adapt to a change of job, relocate for better living and also mature with additional responsibilities, children too mould themselves accordingly. Two kids may share a birthday and yet their interests or progress can be varied. All of them are performers but the victory stand can house on three winners.
With time, care and coaching children get to the arena, adjust and before we adjust they are happy with their own contribution. It is important to give them space, lot of love and understand their aspirations. Actually there is nothing that they cannot do. Only sometimes it takes them more time. Siblings develop a complex and once we start comparing them, they lose out on their self esteem. Constant nagging about hygiene, tidiness, homework and fine art performance depletes their mental confidence.
I actually had believed that my daughter does not have the artistic bent in her when connected with drawing or painting. So I never boosted her in the sphere. Once her hand was fractured and doctors advised her rest from other sports that I got her into an art class. Under the able guidance of the drawing Sir and our encouragement she improved and today is a very good artist. Her skill is improving and she proved that I was wrong.
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January 27th, 2010
Being parents automatically makes us role models. We too have a secret hero or adulation for a person whom we look upon. Emulating their style or values becomes important for us. But for kids, whatever they see is deemed as correct behavior. Passing bad habits is also a form of developing negative traits in children. Surely no parent would like to see this but what is habitual for us becomes a great interest for the kids.
If we are in a habit to speak loudly on the phone or hurl abuses at the delivery boy who delivered the pizza late then this behavior is well absorbed by the child who is stacking his or her blocks. Their ears are constant working and they imbibe these trait. Try sending them logic or clarification and they will use the same tone and justify their act, ‘U did this that day’.
The best way to avoid or rectifying this behavior is slowly changing youself. If you think you have committed a mistake by yelling or using a high volume of the speaker, then before it is too late, apologize. Saying sorry means to teach the little ones about valuing others happiness. They are very flexible and learn or grasp tendencies very well. We also use certain negative words at times to spell our frustration and this is no sin but the onlooker (the baby girl who is yet to speak) feels that this is a normal response.
In case our child is not able to sit in a place or fidgets constantly with their thumbs, then let us look at our selves and get rid of our doodling habit. There are so many habits like speaking with our mouths full, using slang’s or hyperventilating unnecessary which is picked by children. We need to get mature in these habits and it is still easy to learn as we grow. Cultivating responsibility is another trait we need to show them.
Passing bad habits through bad parenting behavior can be like leaving the trash undisposed, not flushing the toilet well or other unhygienic habits. The result is immediate and the child gets into a habit of being unclean. Passing the buck especially while offering excuses in chores is another way of passing habits to our kids.
Tags: habits, hyperventilating, Responsibility
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January 26th, 2010
If good parenting is considered good for the kids then reverse holds true for bad parenting as well. Parents with sensible heads on their shoulders can bring up a wonderful kid who will have high chances of making it big when he grows up. Aspects like, child’s education, social life, manners, etiquette, attitude etc are hugely influenced by the way child has been brought up. But if parents have not done their job properly, there are high chances of them being disappointed with the behavioural pattern of kid when he grows up. The thing is, no parent wants to be bad or leave a negative influence on the kids yet we come across several examples of bad parenting cases. The moment baby is born, responsibility of parents start. Parents have to begin from there only because it is one job in which there is no weekend or holiday. Parenting is a 24/7 work that must be performed with utmost dedication and honesty.
The examples of bad parenting can be seen in several aspects of parenting. Parents can disdainfully neglect or abuse the child or they can ignore the child. Some parents display naked contempt even while having disagreements with the child. Neglect and abuse can be seen in the way parents talk to child. It could be an insulting tone, unfair behaviour or public humiliation etc. The point is, all these things can be administered in a much better and effective way.
There is no point arguing with a kid who has limited knowledge about the things. Argument with the kid also implies belittling of the child which can have a far reaching consequence. Child will develop inferiority complex and can develop serious social problems. Parenting should be performed in a calm and reasonable way and that is the only way to avoid tag of bad parenting.
Tags: Avoiding Bad Parenting, Bad Parenting, bad parenting behaviour, good parenting tips, how to avoid bad parenting, signs of bad parenting
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January 16th, 2010
Parenting is a major responsibility and no parents can afford to take it lightly. The most important part about parenting is that, parents are responsible for preparing the next generation and there shouldn’t be any let up from their side. Good parents can literally transform and build a child’s future by instilling in him good education, manners and attitude. At the same time, if kids turn kaput, parents bear the responsibility and there must be certain mistakes in the way child was brought up. Parents can actually play a major role in the development of bad behavior and attitude of kids as well. Bad parenting is not a rare occurrence and many parents have been found to be wanting on fulfilling their responsibilities. Bad parenting leads to bad relationships and negative influence on the kid. No parents like to see his child grow up to become a bad influence in society but the seeds of such negative traits are usually sown by parents only.
One of the basic ingredients of bad parenting is lack of discipline. It is the job of parents to instill a sense of discipline in the kids. Lack of discipline in the family will lead to wayward behaviour. Child needs to be explained what is good and what is bad. He should also be taught what constitutes good and bad behaviour.
Another common feature of bad parenting is pampering. Many parents just can’t stop pampering their children. Excess of anything is bad and pampering is no exception. Too much pampering will lead to development of behavioral traits like spoiled, arrogant and extravagant kid. Later on, it becomes very difficult for parents to undo their mistakes. Pampered kids often refuse to do any kind of household chores and blame directly goes to poor parenting. These are just few of bad parenting signs that parents can avoid to ensure that your child grows up properly.
Tags: Bad Parenting, how to avoid bad parenting, how to become good parents, parenting tips, signs of bad parenting
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December 30th, 2009
One sure sign of bad parenting is tagging people with names. Kids are very alert when they hear wrong things. They may feel this is the way to participate in a conversation and imitate us. Naming friends, teachers or a local passer by must be a simple thing for parents but also a habitual necessity while talking. Kids hearing the same will not be able to judge a situation and it could be really a trouble if they use it in public.
Parenting becomes a responsibility which is life-long. When kids get knowledgeable their views change and often they correct parents. But till the time they are able to understand the rules of the world, it is necessary to inculcate in them a deep respect for people at large. Teachers may be an educator for us but for a child they are almost like a role model. They notice each thing about their teacher or their sports coach. They love the way their teachers speaks or also want to follow their diction. Hence respecting them is essential.
Kids are actually emulating our standards be it they way we use a tone or the language when we meet a particular set of friends. Though parents are humans and prone to mistakes, it is still important o keep the reins tight when necessary. Exercising control on slander and especially talking ill or other family members is a strict no-no. This does not mean that they will not pick from external sources, and if they do we need to correct them.
Calling a person lowly is certainly not recommended and expressing anger in a negative way only makes the child sure that their aggressive behavior is recommended. It takes a lot of time for a farmer to till the soil and weed the same even after a good harvest. Thus parenting is a continuous job and children rely on us for the same. In case you blurt something wrong it is important to tell them sorry about the situation and also make amends with your partner in front of them. Surely parenting means learning new lessons and forgetting some bad habits.
Tags: Bad Parenting
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